afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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