She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize