So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize