my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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