i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
