Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She bit a glass in half.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
