Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
