im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
