just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
