I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
