I heard we made out
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
