I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
