this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
