soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
