so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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