loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
