apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
