I can tuck mytits in my pants
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think I won the penis lottery.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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