So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
