you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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