Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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