6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i permit you to call me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
