apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
