remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
