i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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