There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it's great music for shaving your balls
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
