he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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