It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
