No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
