My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
