the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
