shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize