I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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