HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
