She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Are we still banned from the library?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
