um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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