who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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