my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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