took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
