Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
