i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
