How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
