i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize