Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
