This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
