Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
