just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
