are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
