Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
