Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
