bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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