Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
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