You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
