What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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