weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
