just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
