HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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