u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
