I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
