How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
