I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
