Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
