so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize