He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
