he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i've created a new STD.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
