I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
