A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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