imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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