Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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